| ProfileGillians bit of spacePhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
January 03 Out of spaceEnough of this spaces malarky and tomfoolery, begone with you, time to grow up and get a proper blog so the faithfull can find me now at Gillians new space
thanks for reading and I'll see you at the new place.
Hugs
Gillian xx I'm Baaa-aaackHi Girlies and thankls for the new years wishes, a big happy new year to everyone. What a trip, jungle, insects, leeches (ugh, took one to bed with me, found it in the middle of the night), underground rockfalls and getting hammered on the natives moonshine (damn it was tasty). The natives taught us traditional dancing, we taught them the Macarrena and Oops Upside Ya Head, a fair swap I reckon.
Lots of falling asleep to the sounds of sicadas damn they are loud, lots of treking and climbing, and two days of caving where I ended up battered and bruised from a rockfall. BIG spiders everywhere and lots of cute lizards.
First thing I did when I got back? showerd (I stank!!!!) washed my clothes, shaved my legs and plucked my eyebrows - ahhhh thats better 2 weeks without moisturiser - that is the hell that is the jungle :).
Did you know the Headhunters of Borneo were still active in world war 2? the Japanese invaded and bands of maurading Iban tribesmen used to regularly take heads from them, then a British commando parachuted in to organise the resistance and merrily encouraged them to carry on collecting heads. Fascinating stuff.
You meet such interesting people on these trips, didn't feel the need to confess to being a tranny tho one girl did say 'you're quite wierd aren't you?' 'Oh yes' I answered. Lots of people who are living a life instead of chasing a wage, gave me food for thought.
OK back to loads of email, hope you all had a great break.
Big hugs December 17 Well I'm not leaving on a glum noteAll packed up and waiting to leave for the airport to wave a cheery farewell to the UK at christmas time, not for me the forced bon homme or the Sound of Music, I'll be hacking my way through Jungle till it's all done. Have a wonderful xmas and new year and I'll look forward to a better 2006 cos 2005 was a bit pants (except for the trannying which was fab!!)
Have a cool yule
Biggest hugs
Gillian xx December 16 the mirror of woodnot really feeling like blogging just now but had to pass this on, it's awesome it really is a mirror made from wood
December 14 all comes tumbling downAt the weekend I got a text from a friend 'Just got the xmas card (from the ex) about her news have you heard? are you OK?'
what a stupid text to send so I spent the day torturing myself, I didn't respond to the text as she seemed too keen to spill the big news and I'd have rather heard whatever it was from a closer friend. 10 minutes ago I got the big news, the ex is getting married again. Wow what a kick in the teeth, I'm still struggling to deal with this whole thing and less than a year after the divorce she's engaged again. I really hate how this makes me feel.
I would like to smile benignly and wish them both happiness, but instead I'm knotted up inside and try not to think about what I'd wish them. Does that make me a bad person? I've tried hard not to slip into bitterness through this but it's so tough sometimes.
Heres a rough outline of events
2003 go on holiday and meet a couple S&J, get on great
2003-2004 We visit their house they visit ours
9th July 2004 have great night going to see The Cure with ex, main memories are cuddling her in the crowd to keep her warm, protecting her in the crush, sharing chips in the cold night air.
10th July 2004 S&J come over for dinner, the ex stays up all night talking to S
17th July 2004 ex asks for divorce
21st July 2004 S&J break up
This is not shaping up to be a good day but I'll get through it.
December 13 Things trannys shouldn't say"Fancy coming over my gaff for a pint"
don't know what the going rate for this service is but I'm sure it's more than a pint :) December 08 Been there, done that, not doing that againMore new tranny experiences for me today, as my years trannying is over (boo hiss)
<fakegermanaccent>
Achtung fraulien for you ze trannying ist over
</fakegermanaccent>
I was sorting through the detritus and deciding what was not going to be worn again, I found a thong I bought a while back because someone said they were good for boy bump, never wore it, still had the label on it. Not having any trannying planned I thought to hell with it lets see what a thongs like.
<pause>
I feel a need to defend myself now, this is only the second time I've done this girl stuff under boy stuff thing I'm usually all or nothing. Why I feel a need to justify myself I'm not quite sure.
'You know he wears girls pants?'
'Oh yeah but only when he's wearing a dress'
'Ah ok, nothing funny about him then'
Hmm, not a fan to be honest and I'm not sure why girls wear these day in day out, it constantly feels like boy pants feel when they need a good yank out of your bum cheeks. Interesting experience but can't say I'll be developing any great love affair with thongs.
It doesn't seem that great for boy bump either!! You will no doubt be pleased to know that I will not being taking any photos of this bit of trannying. December 05 Superb weekendA fun filled tranny weekend was just had, awesome evening at the House of Magic. As mentioned before I was tickled beyond belief to be wearing a gown that I had lusted after some time before but damn it was difficult to handle, being a tranny is a real eye opener, the girl who gave me the gown is a good few inches shorter than me, I'm amazed she wasn't tripping over the dress all night, I damn near was!.
At the house of magic there were a few tables of muggles, including two tables of Travis and Perkins high ups. Now I don't suppose they see many trannies at TP but one of these tables epitomised what I despise about the blokey world. Obviously shocked when we walked in they started being overly male, lots of shouting and crudeness and competing with each other to see who could laugh loudest at the trannies. I wasn't pissed off or even slightly annoyed I just thought it so sad. These roughty toughty 'real men' were threatened by us. Later one on his own was passing the group I was chatting with so I engaged him in conversation and he was fine and stopped for a natter, but put him back in the zoo and he'll conform like the rest of the chimps. It's like a self perpetuating control system, where they have to keep each other in line I wonder how many actually felt like being raucous and how many felt they had to. Full marks to Stacey Dee Collins for taking the piss going over to ask who was the best forklift driver amongst them and what sort of RSJ should she be using (these were CEOs and directors).
That brings to mind a conversation I had with a mates wife shortly after I told her I was a tranny, I was trying to explain how I liked being able to express a softer gentler side of me and how I hated getting caught up in alpha male behaviour and how I'd spent nights in the pub where all the blokes did was slag each other off all night. She said that her hubby feels the same way. I was taken aback, this bloke seemed the classic boozer footie fan bloke but no she said thats not really him. Bet he's not a tranny mind you!.
So house of magic, back to the boudoir to get changed, I took off my evening gown and thought 'bollocks' and slipped on some girl jeans and top I had and drove home en-femme.
So Sat night, more trannying, decided last minute to go to TX and get ready there, then I thought 'Bollocks' and got ready at the house and drove up en-femme. I knew I didn't have enough petrol so I had that as a little challenge for me to stop and fill up. Had a great night, bit of a natter, bit of a boogie was seriously tempted to go to the Way Out Club but ended up staying till 2 at TX and thought better of 12 quid for a couple of hours at WOC. Drove home en-femme again, sudden attack of the munchies caused another service station stop on the way back, 4am home again - zzzzzzzz.
and so ends 2005s trannying, it's been a damn fine year.
Oh yeah piccies, one from Friday night, one from Sat.
December 03 WOWI was going to blog about my night at the house of magic, but instead I have to dedicate this blog entry to the most suprising entry from my mate dolores, go look
http://cheapthrills40.blogspot.com/2005/12/people-are-surprising.html
stunned. November 30 The real thingWhile I would like to have the depth and social comment that is Trannifesto I mostly like talking about tranny stuff. This weekend I'm going to the House of Magic and after much trying on I've decided what frock to wear, it's a really neat gown but what is really really cool to me is that an RG chum gave me it after she got down to a size 12. Whats more I remember being at a black tie do when she wore it and admiring it. This is outrageously cool to me that I can think back to that event looking at her thinking 'wow wish I could spend a night out dressed like that' and now I own the dress she was wearing and I'll be wearing it at the weekend - too exciting!!!!!
I don't know why it's so significant that it's pre-RG owned but it makes it seem more 'real' as if it's been christened almost. Maybe it's the acceptance thing, the fact that an RG is giving me clothes means she is totally ok with me being a tranny. I had this before when another RG friend gave me some blouses, they were nice blouses but when I got home I spent the longest time just looking at them thinking 'she gave these to me' 'she gave these to me to wear' 'me! a boy!! and she gave me these girls clothes for me to wear' 'she's a girl and she gave me these' and then I sat and shook my head in wonderment at it all.
Ahhhh v much looking forward to a nice night out. November 27 Am I first?Felt sure someone would have remoted blogged from last night. Last night Transpocalypse came to town and it was great fun.
Curiously the night before and the morning of too I couldn't really be bothered, I've been out wayyyy too much of late so much so that my social life seems one big blur of makeup and false boobies. I really didn't feel like driving for 2 hours and getting glammed up but once I started packing (v impressive, picked an outfit and almost stuck to it, one small bag for an overnight tranny trip) I began to feel into it.
So anyway the night - started with a few drinks in Maglios, or Mongolios or Mungos or something (taa muchly Gemma, owe you a drink or two). Good to meet some of the people I've only seen as blauthors before (new term blog-authors, I just invented it!). Had a lovely episode where a woman was walking past the window and looked in and caught sight of me, her face was a picture as she realised I was a bloke, so I smiled and waved and she mouthed 'you look lovely' then called her friend over to look in the window too. Thats nice.
Then we made a traffic stopping parade across the street to The Chung tin, or the I Ching, or the Lotus garden or something, again whe caused a stir int he restaurant, we were upstairs which is a smallish dining area with two huge tables for us, the room stopped when we walked in, diners posed with chopsticks halfway to mouths, eyeballs a bulging. Great food, great natter, as we left I went over at a couple who had been eyeballing us all night 'What do you think?' they couldn't have been nicer, said how wonderful it was to see us and how beautiful we all looked (thats like tickling a puppys tummy to a trannie).
Then clubwards where we drank (v impressed adult drinking or what - lots of water as well as booze) danced, chatted, played pool, just had a cool time. Ta much Becky for organising it.
Next time I might tell the story of Siobhan and the arab. November 20 Brilliant nightWent out on Sat night to the 50th birthday of the lovely Laura Handbag at Cosmo bar in london, what a super super night. Nice enough place, lots of people there live music, lots of trannies. Then as the night wore on lots of straight people coming looking for late night booze, all mingling with the trannies. Twice I had some of the muggles saying how much fun they had had and how cool we all were, I was really tickled. Then back at the hotel (more booze - ugh!!) some muggle blokes came over to chat one of them latched onto me (he was a bit pissed) and was chatting for ages, it was just neat to be interacting with the real world like this.
Us trannies are dead cool!!
Sadlyback to earth tho, I had my nails looking great last night, now I can't stand the thought of taking them off, a real girl would just keep them on for a few days, maybe all week, I'd love to do that, such a shame to only wear them for a night they look so nice. Ah well.
Hugs to everyone, I've had a great weekend, hope yours was too.
 November 19 "flirting techniques" AND "tape measure"I am so proud that one of my close chums has made my jaw drop open in amazement. My cool chum Dolores (see side bar under sex addict), not only is she stunningly perceptive (see saga of SSA) but she ranks 4th for the above search in google. She knows this because thats the referral page for a visit to her blog! Huh?!?! what made someone google for that? how I wish to know more about them - odd people of the world, I salute you.
Hugs
The Pot. November 18 Last telling people blogI think I'll give up blogging about telling people I'm a tranny, it's getting such a non-event. I visted an old chum today, we had a falling out but are getting friendly again even tho she had the bad taste to give birth. Anyway on my 'setting the record straight' crusade I told her today about being a tranny, same old same old, 'good for you, shame on the ex for telling people'. I'm getting blase about it now.
'Hands up whos a tranny?'
<Gillian sticks her hand up> 'Me me me me me'
With exquisite timing, after I had broke the big news to my chum, her 14 month old son came over to give me his doll (for which he also has a pushchair - modern parents huh) 'Oh how appropriate, crossing gender boundaries' I said.
November 16 Blast from the Past - TransformationI was merrily unpacking last night and found a box with the first girls clothes I ever bought, a pair of black court shoes and a lycra skirt, whats more I bought them from Transformation!!
I can remember the day clearly 15 years ago, a scared young tranny walking up and down Eversholt St trying to work up the courage to walk in. Eventually doing so and finding the door didn't work and had to walk off to a phone box and confirm they were open (they were, I was trying the wrong door). Eventually I got inside and they assistants were lovely, a coffee calmed a hyperventilating tranny and a brief natter with the other customers. I desperatetly wanted a makeover but I'd spent so long wearing a trench in the pavement across the road that I was running late so I contended myself with a browse through the makeover menu promising myself I would come back. One older tranny there seemed a regular and was enjoying a cuppa before heading upstairs for a makeover I was in awe that someone could be so open about their perversion.
Anyway more coffee and a look round their shop at the cheap clothes and magazines, in retrospect it was all a bit cheap but at the time I was awestruck that this world existed. I contented myself with the shoes and skirt, I tried on the shoes there in front of a lovely girl who caused me to keep thinking 'she doesn't care these are for me'. It was time to leave and another trial presented itself - getting out the shop. Another tranny was ready to leave at the same time, so we waited till the coast was clear then threw the door wide, I headed straight across the road eager to put as much distance between me and the shop as possible, he broke right and strode up the street with his head proudly down in the manner of the tranny. The journey back was fun, I kept feeling the shoes inside the daysack I was carrying 'I've got heels! I bought heels in a shop'.
I got ripped off of course, the shoes were 40 quid thats about 100 quid in todays money and when I got home I saw they were 4 inch heels that had been cut down to 3 inch so they sat backwards all the time and the heel began to come lose. They aren't even a nice design but that said, I did fondly look at them last night with the memories they brought back and wore them one more time before binning them. Transformation - a rite of passage for the tranny. Gawd bless ya. November 11 Girls are fab!!I think girls are fab!!
One of my gg chums sent me a chrissie pressie with orders not to open till xmas, as I'll be away hacking my ways through jungle and getting eaten by exotic insects over Xmas I wanted to know if I could take it with me (ie could open it in front of strangers), after a bit of hedging she realised what I was asking
'Oh no its ok, I'll save the girlie stuff for another time'
I love this girl!!!!!
Then bestest GG chum (the one who called me an honorary girl and I went on girlie nights with before she even knew I was a deviant) wanted to know when we are going on a girlie night, 'or' she said 'we can go on a real girlie night' wheeeee!!! she actually wants to go out with me in girl mode, how fab is she???. I guess I still expect girls to be disgusted or at best barely tolerate me being a deviant, it's just so brill when they are just totally matter of fact about it.
So like I said, girls are fab!!. Ever feel bulletproof?Ever feel that you can handle anything and everything life throws at you? Today is one of those days for me. Some days since I came out I just feel so at ease with the world, like I have found my space and I belong here, days when nothing is going to affect me, I've got no job(well not one that pays money), one of my non-paying jobs had a disaster around midnight last night, I've been firefighting all day and I feel great!! Stress?!? bring it on!!!
Good thing too for tonight I have to tell two more chums to counter the fibs the ex has been telling about me.
In my feeling good about myself period I've been thinking, if I was told I had some dire disease and only days to live, my biggest regret would have been not getting out the closet, being me is one of the hardest things I've ever done but damn it feels good.
Only downside today is the nurse told me I can't booze tonight because she gave me a typoid shot but did she tell me that before the shot? oh no!! that way I might have actually went out for some jollies tonight. While I'm on the subject of nurses, I want my nurses to look like nurses not social workers!! I want crisp white clean uniforms when they are wielding jaggy things to stick in my arm, I don't want baggy trousers and woolly jumpers. OK so thats partly from my known love of nursey dresses but I'd settle for a tunic and trousers, it would just make me feel more confident that this really was a healthcare professional and not just some random stranger who found an empty office. Hell even the loathsome scrubs would be better than streetwear.
I'm in a good mood if all I've got to get riled about is my nurse not looking like a nurse <contented sighs> November 08 I am sooo embarassedI moved into a flat at the weekend. I've not lived on my own since I inflicted myself on the tranny world. A side effect is that my clothes have always been in bits and pieces, some in this closet, some in this case, some at that friends house etc. Anyway for the first time I've got all my clothes together in one place. I've got a lot of clothes, much much more than I expected and theres still a box to unpack, I have no idea where I'm going to put all these in a small flat - eeek!!! November 06 Trannies at the SavoyWhat fab trannying this week, met up with the lovely Becky Richards for pre-theatre dinner and drinks then on to The Rat Pack at the Savoy Theatre (ok misleading title I know).
First stop the hotel to get ready. Becky wore a wispy top and gypsy skirt (both per una i think) with boots, I wore a Karen Millen skirt i have been dying to wear for ages, my fav Next top and Karen Millen heels.
 October 31 Back to the sad stuffIt's been a while since I felt I needed to blog about the whole ex/divorce thing. Lately I've been carrying it rather heavily, not sleeping well, fretting a lot. Outwith the whole marriage breakup thing we have a business agreement that she is defaulting on, she's already left me throusands down through this so I can't let her off on it, to be honest I'm not inclined to either. In an attempt to head it of I emailed her an offer to meet up for a beer and try and sort it out - the response - 'I don't think that would be beneficial to either party' for f**ks sake woman I was your lover for 10years!!.
So having put it off for too long now I sat down to write the invoice that she will refuse to pay that I will send her a reminder for that she will ignore that will end us in court, damn I feel sick, I feel really really sick. No doubt she will see this as me being the bad guy, she already hates me and bad mouths me when she can so she's going to love this. It shouldn't have come to this, we were supposed to grow old disgracefully together and die peacefully together. I once had a dream we had died and were both in the afterlife, on a beautiful tropical beach, I woke up first and sat with her head on my lap stroking her hair as I waited for her to wake up so we could begin our afterlife together. Her eyes flickered open and she saw me and smiled and the dream ended, great! and now I'm crying again!.
I've just realised what this is all about, last night would have been our anniversary if she hadn't left me. |
|
|
